Friday, November 26, 2010

sekian lama

wow... it has been too long. almost a year i supposed. the urge of blogging is just not there. or maybe i just dont want people to be judgmental towards what i say. oh heck. after so long, i cant be blabbering about the sudden MIA, isnt it? hehe..

ok where to start. let me see.. marriage is superb. both of us are so busy doing our work. weekdays working and sometimes hunny had the night tutoring for the home studio course which left me alone watching tv in the room. layan DVD la ape lg. heheh... every weekend we are either in rawang or seremban or KD if hunny got recording or tuition to do. quite boring our lives are. very planned and repetitive. nothing out of the ordinary. baby? nope not yet. we want to have one but thinking that i may not be here for the next 6 months makes the idea just evaporate to the thin air. maybe not now.

talking about not being here, today we received the email from Koyana-san to say that my COE is approved. means my work permit is now ready. oh boy! i dont feel ready yet to go there. luckily boss promised that i will only go there in January 2011. I sure hope that she'll keep her promise and I hope by that time I would be ready to be alone in that alien world. well off course im excited to travel and experience living in T.ok.yo. The problem is that I am going to be there alone for 6 months and I dont speak a word of Nihon-go! Even if someone is assigned to help me to navigate around, I can't expect that the person will follow me 24/7? she has her own life too. and i cant be dragging her to buy my groceries rite? pening la. have to sit down at one corner and think about the pros and cons. and console myself that everything is going to be alright. *crossed fingers*

and hunny promised to visit me twice in that 6 months. boss said that the company will give me free ticket to go back once. so i got to see hunny 3 times for the full period im there. that should be enuff i think.

i'll write more about the assignment once the ticket is booked.

well move on to my biggest plan in December. I finally bought the tickets to Krabi for 2. yeayyy!!! it's a birthday gift to hunny cum anniversary token for us. mind you that we didnt celebrate our anniv this year due to some conflicts with the schedule of the trip to Japan. We are going there for 5 days and boy i hope everything is going to be ok. it's a last minute plan plus i am not good at planning. so what i do was i contacted the hotel yesterday and asked them to plan our holiday for us. that includes the snorkelling, island hopping, SPA, jungle tracking, airport transfer and foods. easy huh? sorry la syg. i know u r a better planner than me but i cant ask for your help because whatever we are doing over there, they are supposed to be a surprise for you. so wait eh. *i hope there's not too many jellyfish cos i know how you hate jellyfish. nervous*

what else? owh... pakngah passed away this month. it was so sudden and i can't believe it even until now. meningitis. that was the killer i heard. very little people know about meningitis. so do i.. never thought that it would be so serious. i remember when i followed afiq to his sis's house in London, I asked her about meningitis. she's a medic student and a very good one. (not like other medic students that I know from Dublin). she told me to differentiate meningitis and dengue, you have to roll a glass at the red spots that you have if you are a suspected to have dengue or a fever with spot at your body. if the red spots stay, means you dont have dengue/fever but you have meningitis. and meningitis is worse than dengue. better rush to the hospital.

so when i heard that late pakngah got fever, never crossed my mind that it could be meningitis. i tot it was a normal fever. but the doc confirmed that it was meningitis and the confirmation was too late. i didnt check for the red spots because when we visited him the first night he was admitted, i saw something that i swear i would never imagine in my life. he was so in pain that night. excruciating pain. like some pain that was really unbearable. his hands and legs were tied to the bed. he was like struggling to be freed from the knots. while his eyes were looking up everytime, i heard he said 'adeh.. adeh' underneath the oxygen mask on his face. saliva coming out uncontrollably. when kak uji wiped the saliva, he groaned as if kak uji slapped his face. i guess his skin became oversensitive that time. do you know that if you have meningitis, your brain will be infected by the bacteria/virus. it's actually the fever for the brain (i heard it once). so you dont know what is the signal that your brain is sending to your body. the bacteria/virus has taken over and damage the neurons and anything inside the brain. i believe that is why late pakngah was like that. maybe he felt pain but didnt have the ability to tell where he felt it. because the brain went haywire. i dunno.. but i dont wish to see anyone very dear to my life to go through that moment ever in life. the pain is indescribable.. :-((

then that very night the doctors put him to comma. unfortunately ever since, he never woke up until that very day that he passed away. it was a very sad day. Friday the 10th, November 2010. I've always known him to be such a loving and funny uncle. I've never seen him raising his voice. he was always so calm and happy go lucky. our (me & hunny) biggest remorse is we didnt manage to keep our promise to go to his house. since we got married he always wanted us to go to his house and he promised he'll cook the best mee hailam ever. but we always delayed the plan and it eats us alive now. to make things sadder, mama told us that few days before he went to comma, he woke up at 2am and went to the kitchen. he told mama that someone is coming and he wanted to cook mee hailam. i really hope that the someone is not us. only deep down inside i do believe that he was thinking of us. :-(((( al-fatihah to the great man whom i really respect. i hope you will rest in peace.

so peeps, never take your fever for granted. take care of yourselves.